Sorry Partners and Companions, It is HER Birth, Not Yours!

Often times we sit down with a couple and their views or hopes of their upcoming birth is very different from each other.

  • She may want a doula and he sees no value in having one.
  • She may want to take childbirth classes and he does not believe they are needed at all.
  • She may want an unmedicated birth at home and he is scared to death of her doing so.
  • She may want an unmedicated birth at the hospital and he loves the idea of her getting an epidural.
  • She may want to dance naked and get in the tub to birth and he wants her to remain modest and in the bed behaving like he feels she should.
  • She may want a midwife and he wants a doctor.
  • She may want friends or family to be with her and he may not want that.

And every now and then we get this view too…

  • She is afraid and wants to get an epidural and he demands she have a natural birth.
  • She wants to birth without any pain and he feels there is value in her going through pain to become a mother.
  • But it is not his birth- or her mom’s or her sister’s or her friend’s.
  • She does not want her family present and they try to come anyway.


It is her birth. It is her body. It is her baby.

  • We feel very strongly that it is her decision as to whether she takes classes and what classes to take.
  • We feel very strongly that it is her decision who she has accompany her in her labor and birth.
  • We feel very strongly that it is her choice to have medical intervention or not- but we do encourage her to be fully informed.
  • We feel very strongly that she gets to select where she will birth and who is her care provider.
  • We may not agree with her choices, but it is not our birth.
  • The choices and decisions she makes may not align with what we would do, but as long as they are hers- and she is informed and not being bullied or coerced by others, we fully support her decisions.

No one should bully her or coerce her. No one should shame her or disregard her desires. No one should force their opinion on her.

We ask a mom what she desires. We ask why she has decided on things regarding her birth. We try to give her information so she is making an informed decision that is right for her. And then we support her desires. And we think that is what everyone should be doing. Birth should be about informed decisions that she owns!

It is HER birth. It is HER body. It is HER baby.