My Reason

Today in a mentoring session with Karen Brody- the woman who designed the BOLD  childbirth education I teach, she shared a bit about Angeles Arrien. She has something she calls the The Four-Fold Way®

The Way of the Warrior  Show up, and choose to be present.

The Way of the Healer  Pay attention to what has heart and meaning.

The Way of the Visionary  Tell the truth without blame or judgment.

The Way of the Teacher  Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome.

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She then asked me, “What was the reason you are on this earth?” And I felt it immediately in my womb- Mother- the mother I was told I could never be. Nurturing mother who helps her children find their truth.  I immediately felt my reason on this earth was to help people find their truth. It moved from me feeling it in my womb to my mouth and heart. I feel the scripture in Luke, “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” I feel compelled to be the teacher, the guide to where truth lies. But where truth lies for me may not be your truth. This is such a struggle.

I tried to feel the opposite of what I feel is my truth and I immediately felt nauseated and full of anxiety. I feel I have to tell the truth. But my truth is not always someone else’s truth. That has proven to be true with my children- all believers in their own and very different ways. And the hardest part of telling what I believe to be truth sometimes is it is not accepted and welcomed. I have tried over my years to become more tactful and gentle in sharing. But I feel telling what I feel is truth is imperative. I feel the absolute need to make sure someone is fully informed and somewhat warned. 

But telling my truth and helping someone find their truth may be two different things. Expecting an outcome from sharing the truth as I know it has not always brought the results I expected or desired. This has proven to be the hardest part of the Four-Fold Way for me. I hope that imparting information- that which I hold true- will create a particular outcome. And sometimes it does not. It is about each person finding their truth. And then my job is only help people find their truth. Not the truth I think they need to come to- but their’s. So outcome expectations lead you to judgement of the outcome. But there needs to be no judgement.

I do think I feel anxious when someone asks or tells me something and I do not tell them what I hold to be true. For instance when someone tells me about their doctor saying they can not use a doula in their practice. Hmmm, I sense a doctor who does not have the patience to help their patient labor in a way that allows that patient freedom, but instead wants to direct their labor and birth the way they see fit without regard to the woman’s desires. That scares me and I feel compelled to tell her. But if this mom decides to stay with that practice, that may be her finding her truth. Perhaps she feels best if someone else is “driving” her birth than determining her own path. I need to share my thoughts if she asks for them and then support her in her truth.

So, although I feel my reason on earth is to help others find their truth- I encounter both anxiety and pleasure in doing so. I want folks to feel comfortable finding their truth, but truth is not always comfortable. I want folks to love me as the messenger, but sometimes hearing truth and finding truth can be painful and that pain is sometimes reflected back to the messenger. But truth is paramount to me. I do feel awareness is needed to find truth. I want to guide gently with wisdom and foremost with truth. I need to always keep my motives in check and not have my reason be to help others find my truth instead of theirs.

BOLD is helping me grow so much as an educator. Helping others find their truth- listen to their tribe’s voices, find their choices that resonate with them, trust their intuitive wisdom, be guided by their heart, speak their truth, centered with their mind, be guided by their spirit…. finding their path, holding to their truth and owning their outcome. I may have been a doula for over 20 years, but the mantra, “it is not my birth” is resonating more with the growth I am doing with BOLD. It goes beyond that mantra to a whole other level of truth for me.  It is not my truth that is most important for this woman- it is her path to finding her truth. I think that is why I have been put here- to help guide her in finding her truth. I need to step out of the way- sharing my truth as mine- and allowing her to find her truth that is hers.

I want to be the Warrior  Showing up, and choosing to be present.

Helping others find their truth.

I want to be the Healer  Paying attention to what has heart and meaning.

Helping others find their truth.

I want to be the Visionary  Telling the truth without blame or judgment.

Helping others find their truth.

I want to be the Teacher  Being open to outcome, not attached to outcome.

Helping others find their truth.